Infant Comedy

Let's face it - being a new mom can be tough. I was told pregnancy, labor and delivery is easy compared to what you'll go through once you get home. Although I didn't know it then, that was the realest statement anyone had ever told me my entire pregnancy.

Just when I thought I understood this kid and had his tendencies down, he threw a curve ball at me and changed the game - AKA, he had a growth spurt.

While 90% of my time with him has been nothing short of amazing, the other 10% has been hard. Really hard. As in, the hardest thing I've ever done my entire life. I never thought I'd break down and cry, but I did. Multiple times.

Now looking back, I can laugh at those times, because if I was being video taped, it would be pure comedy watching the playback. Here are just a few comical scenes that occurred over the last 8 1/2 weeks:

Week 3: Shut up and Sleep!

I refuse to have the kid who substitutes sleep for crying.

It's now 4 a.m. and I've been up for 2 1/2 hours trying everything possible to sooth this crying baby: walking, cradling, singing, talking, massaging, feeding, burping, changing, rubbing his head, etc.

My tone moves from a soft sweet motherly voice to a loud angry parent loosing patience rapidly. I yell at him saying, "YOU'RE BETTER THAN THIS!" as if he understands what I'm saying.

Since that didn't work, I use a lifeline - Fisher Price. Vibrate setting activated. Magic occurs.

Week 4: The Ultimate Player

Sleep deprived, I wake up every 60 minutes at night for a seven-minute feeding. After seven hard minutes of gulping, he passes out. At this point I'll do anything for sleep, so I put him down and close my eyes, only to do the entire thing over again an hour later.

The next morning I tell my mom about our night. Her response: "That's (two-word explicit). He isn't hungry, give his (explicit) a pacifier."

I then call our Doula, my lifeline during labor/delivery and these first few postpartum weeks. She confirms what my mom has said in a much more professional manner.

"He isn't hungry. Try giving him a pacifier. His feedings should last about 30 minutes long." She then shares some tricks to keep him awake so he gets full during nighttime feedings.

Although it was a one-time occurrence, I have to admit I got played by a 4-week old.

Week 5 - Getting on Track

I'm now beyond sleep deprived, home alone at night 5 days out of the week with an infant who won't stop crying. It's 7 a.m. mid week and I call my mom, crying, because I simply feel alone, frustrated and exhausted. I have a hair appointment today and I'm ready to reschedule it because I don't think I will have anyone to watch him. She offers words of wisdom and comfort, tells me to keep my appointment and demands I start getting out of the house at least an hour a day for my own sanity.

Team mom/husband come together and form a plan to help me through this rough patch. Anthony gets home in plenty of time for us to talk my frustrations through and watch Jeremiah while I go and get my hair trimmed.

In the car, approaching the salon, I call my mom...

"I'm exiting the freeway now to get my hair cut."

"Good! You sound stopped up. Are you still crying?"

"(sob) Yes. (sob)"

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"(chuckles) Then you're on the right track." 

Before Jeremiah was born, Anthony and I talked about how we would get through the early stages of his life and I remember asking him to make sure we laugh our way through the really tough times, because we knew they were going to happen, we just didn't know when and how bad they would be. While I did a little more crying than laughing in the moment, I can now chuckle looking back at how little I knew about this whole parenthood thing but how determined I was to not be that new mom who broke down.

 Epic. Fail.

I know this is only the start of a very long journey, but I feel a little more at ease knowing we made it through this first part in one piece - all three of us, that is.

Thanksgiving, 2011